humor

Frayser Raleigh Animal Hospital

3147 Frayser Raleigh Rd.

Memphis, TN 38128

Phone: 901-353-9452 Fax: 901-353-9470

Pet Humor

This page is intended to make you smile, or if you are like me, laugh out loud. Virtually none of the content of this page is original with me, but I received from others usually via forwarded emails. ~Dr. Kenney

Actual Newspaper Ads

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Dog Philosophy - Quotes

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. ~Anonymous

Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. ~Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. ~Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

~Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. ~Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. ~Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare, and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It’s the best deal man has ever made. ~M. Acklam

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. ~Rita Rudner

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. ~Robert Benchley

Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. ~Franklin P. Jones

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will got to heaven, and very, very few persons. ~James Thurber

If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise. ~Unknown

Ever consider what our dogs think of us/ I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul–chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth! ~Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. ~Robert A. Heinlein

If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.

~Phil Pastoret

The Burglar, the Parrot, and Jesus

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, he heard a strange, disembodied voice from the dark, saying, “Jesus is watching you.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.” Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

“Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.

“Yes,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”

The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are, anyway?”

“Moses,” replied the bird.

“Moses!” the burglar laughed. “What kind of stupid people would name a parrot ‘Moses’?”

The bird promptly answered, “The same kind of people who would name a Rottweiler ‘Jesus’!”

Kids and Their Look-Alike Dogs